Saturday, December 4, 2010

First firsts...

Picture of Kate at 1am looking SO sleepy!
Abby at Ballet class, she is pretty much the best one in the whole class... except when she gets distracted and licks the bar, I know it's super gross!
(For some reason my copy and paste functions are not working, so forgive the strange order.)

Before Peter was born I started keeping a journal. A Peter journal, not sure what I wrote about while I was pregnant, but the other day I looked at it and realized I wrote 37 pages before the kid was even born. I didn't read it but it if I had to guess, I would think I wrote something like, "drank blue gatorade, then pepto bismol, then puked purple." That's what I remeber. The front page has a list of dates of things he did, and what he weighed... I wrote the first page in Kate's journal last week. It seems very unlikely I will get to page 37 anytime soon.

Maybe it's wrong, but the first firsts, just feel more exciting. Peter lost his first tooth last week. I looked at it and had these thoughts, in this order:

1."I finally understand why David's Mother saved one of these."
2. "This is the first tooth he ever bit me with."
3. "He really should be brushing better."

...and I felt a little sad.
Sometimes parenthood feels like some crazy race I entered without really knowing anything about the length or terrain of the course. There are moments when I feel really good about my pace and progress, then bam, I am right back at the starting line! Back to crying it out, back to first bites, and diaper rash, all the while I am still saying, "please don't lick that." The truth is I think it's worth it. There are some pretty amazing moments, and I will just keep trying to hold onto the beautiful moments, and keep moving.
One thing I wrote in that first journal was this, "I am a mother now, a title that describes a role that consumes one's whole soul."