Wednesday, April 23, 2008

JOY

One of my favorite things about Peter is that if you give him a Popsicle he will sit and watch any show with me. A few weeks ago we watched a documentary about the Shivers, and after the hour long documentary (it was a large Popsicle) he actually said in his most sincere voice, that was a good show Mommy. Today after Abby went down for a nap. I wanted to watch American Idol. I knew there was only one way to get Peter on board, and there happened to be one remaining magic Popsicle in the freezer. Peter snuggled up to me and we started to watch. After a few minutes we heard a gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Peter looked up at me and said in the most adorable 3 year old voice, "was that your tummy, or mine?" I said, "I think it was mine." He said, "Oh." And went back to his Popsicle. It wasn't really that funny, but it was a moment in time I wanted to hold to. He had sand in his hair from our trip to the park earlier that day, and brownie mix on his face from the brownies in the oven, he had scabs on his face from his sister who thinks she is a cat, and I couldn't have loved him any more at that moment. My sweet innocent little boy who is so easily contented with refined sugar, sand, sunshine, and his "best mommy in the whole world." I really would never suggest that I am a great Mother, and most days I am completely overwhelmed with inadiquiacy (I can't bring myself to edit my misspelling of that word), but Peter doesn't know that, and in quiet moments he loves me as purely as one can love, because I am his mother. It is in those quite moments that there is no greater joy.

So lately I have been thinking about motherhood. It can be ridiculously trying, I dare say even repulsive (this really means a lot from someone who suctions mucous for a living). The experience of motherhood changes from moment to moment, often quite dramatically. Love, fear, disgust, joy, anger, and hope all take on such deepened forms that I have begun to wonder if I ever really knew these emotions in any real way before this wild parental journey began.
I usually try to wash Peter's face before I take his pictures, and sometimes I even touch-up scars, but today I really wanted to capture the moment in all its raw beauty. I can't help but hink of Wordsworth..."that in this moment there is life, and food for future years, and so I dare to hope..

3 comments:

lnkmom said...

Such a beautiful reminder of what it's all about!!!

I love that picture of Peter! It shows his personality so well!

Jennifer Hales said...

So sweet. Thanks for sharing.

Mike and Mary Lee said...

The bog makes a journal entry for you. Can you make a hard copy of bog sites or can you down load onto a disk? One entry worth recording for posterity. Thanks for sharing it with us.